Pontiff and Parenthood

Pope Francis has recently upset and infuriated a whole lot of people, and I can truly understand why.

During his general audience at the Vatican, the Pontiff stated that many couples are opting for dogs and cats rather than having children, he explained that this was evidence of a “certain selfishness” that takes away our humanity when we renounce parenthood.

His concern was that civilisation would grow old without humanity if mothers and fathers are not created, that the country suffers from individuals choosing not to reproduce.

There has indeed been a drop in birth rates and the pandemic has had an effect on this it would seem. The Guardian reported that in Italy 22% fewer babies were born in December 2020 than in December the previous year, interesting to me as many jokes were made on social media at the start of the first UK lockdown that you would either come out of it with a drinking problem or a pregnancy.

The jokes at the time annoyed me… making light of alcoholism didn’t sit right with me, nor the assumption that couples would get pregnant just because they had nothing else to do.

Pope Francis’ comments come at a difficult time; I know there are people who have utilised lockdown time to have a baby, but for so many the extra stress, anxiety, and pressure of surviving through a global pandemic has made parenthood difficult for those who have children, and indeed too much to comprehend for those who would like a baby.

The Pope’s stance is, of course, nothing new. The Catholic Church - and indeed Christian churches of all denominations - have at best encouraged parenthood and at worst condemned those who choose not to have children.

I, as a Christian, have always found this incredibly difficult.

I want children. In fact, I want nothing more than to be a mother, though it is proving to be more difficult than we had hoped. So for me I will - God willing - fulfil the role that Pope Francis and many others expect of me as a married woman. But what if I didn’t want that?

Do I *have* to have children simply because I am a married Christian woman? Do I have to rearrange my entire life, put my body through pregnancy, manage my finances, and re-jig my career because the Church expects me to reproduce?

Children are a gift. They obviously keep the world growing, they’re fun, they’re ridiculous, they’re miraculous quite frankly (have you ever looked at a baby’s hand … it’s just like ours but tiny!!) but they’re also a huge responsibility, a life changing decision, and I just don’t think anyone should be forced to embark on that if they truly don’t want to.

An issue I have with Pope Francis’ statement is how utterly gendered it is. He did talk about fatherhood which is not always the case, but ultimately it is the woman who has to take time off work, who put their bodies through, let’s face it, something horrendous, and who are at least in the beginning, the person in charge of the new life. Not to mention his statement is extremely heteronormative… though obviously and that’s a whole different post.

It is also decidedly classist… babies, though adorable, are expensive. Children are expensive. How many people will stretch themselves financially and embark on parenthood at the risk of severe poverty because they feel they ought to? Or feel guilty that they’re not having children because it isn’t financially possible?

One thing I love about God’s creation is that it’s so varied and diverse. We are all so very different. We want different things, we have different desires, we are good at different things. It’s beautiful and wonderful. Some people want to be parents, some don’t, and I don’t think that there’s an issue in that. People can serve God and humanity in varied and different ways, not just in procreating.

The Pope’s statement is difficult to hear for those who can’t have children (though the line seems to always go along the “well you’re the exception it’s ok” and “you can adopt” route). It highlights how many already feel when they struggle to conceive… you are failing. You’re failing to do what God wants and what you want. Needless to say this is absolutely not the case! You are not in the wrong, or broken, or failing in any way if you aren’t able to conceive.

It is difficult for those who don’t want children, criticised for not wanting to entirely change your life for a responsibility you don’t really want, and it’s difficult for those to hear these statements coming often (but not always) from celibate men. Of course, I utterly respect the call to celibacy, but just as I wouldn’t criticise the Pope’s decision to live a celibate life, I don’t feel I or any one should be criticised for choosing not to have children.

There are ways in which we all bring beauty and joy to the world, there are ways we fulfil God’s calling on our lives, for some that’s raising children, for others it’s not and either way I believe that we are all contributing in different, wonderful, and varied ways.

I pray that those who have been hurt by these words know that they are loved and cherished by God, that their lives have worth, that they are fearfully and wonderfully made, in my opinion, whether they have children or not.

Plus… let’s face it, I’m not going to judge anyone who wants to fill their house with dogs, dogs are ace!